Equality for ALL

You can’t go a day without seeing something about homosexuality on the internet. Whether it’s about marriage, religious doctrine, a teen prom, or another suicide we are surrounded by this topic constantly. There are people on all sides of the fence. People actively fighting for equality, people on the fence trying to figure out what’s right/wrong, and people trying anything and everything to keep religion in politics.

My focus is on those individuals who are hiding behind religion to further their agenda. You know the people I’m talking about. The ones posting pictures about the sanctity of marriage, saving America from God’s wrath, bringing morality back to America. I know you. I used to be you before I ripped off my blinders.

The worst thing about Christians is their stubborn belief that they alone have all the answers. That what they have chosen to believe in the bible is the way we should all be living. That we should run, not only our country, but the world according to a book written thousands of years ago by man. I ask you this Christians, why are you allowed to pick and choose what you believe in the bible to be true and expect us to follow along with it? Do you not see how damaging that behavior is? You don’t want to follow your religious dogma to it’s full extent any more than we do. If you want to quote Old Testament scripture as a reason to not let all mankind have the same equality you enjoy why are you not following that very same book yourself? Why are you allowed to pick passages out to condemn others but to save yourself?

Why can you look at someone who is amazingly beautiful person and have no problem condemning them to eternal damnation? Have you stopped and truly thought about what you are condoning? Eternal agony, torture, pain, and anguish just because someone fell in love with someone of the same sex. How does that sit well with you? How can you believe that the same god who made EVERYONE after his likeness would want to send them to burn in hell with satan? The same god who inspired this verse from Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for you,“ declares the lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” How can you tell the rest of the world that that hope only applies to a select few that man has chosen?

Why are you so willing to dismiss your hate under the guise of hating the sin and not the sinner? Do you really think that makes people feel better to hear? Oh, you hate the sin of loving someone unconditionally and therefore have made it impossible for me to marry them? It’s totally ok now that I know you don’t hate me personally. Completely asinine. You do realize that in god’s eyes ALL sin is equal right? All those so called little sins you commit daily are just as disgusting to your god. You are not better than anyone else. The fact that you knowingly sin and are hateful because Jesus “will never leave you nor forsake you” Hebrews 13:5 is appalling. Is that your answer? We all accept Jesus into our lives, continue in sin, and go to heaven? I don’t think it’s meant to work that way.

So, onto this so called scripture that tells us that homosexuality is a sin and they deserve eternal damnation for it. The scripture I see quoted most often is Galatians 5:19-21. I hate to burst your bubble but it’s not in there.  Here it is “Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” Sounds like nobody on this ever loving earth is going to heaven much less inherit the kingdom of god. You may want to rethink your stance on all of this because if you’ve ever felt or done any of the above you are doomed to hell.

Keeping up with this kind of thinking is only harming our country. We are destroying lives while we argue over a thousand year doctrine that not one single person follows in it’s entirety. If you did you would be labeled an extremist and hated just as much as Osama Bin Laden. If you are of the female gender you especially should want to distance our laws from religion. You will have zero freedom, you will be beneath men, and you will be an object that can be thrown away if your husband decides you have done something immoral.  1 Timothy 2:11-12 “Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man: rather she is to remain quiet.”  Genesis 3:16 “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 “The women should keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission, and the Law also says. If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home. For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church.” Women have fought so hard to have rights, which are still not the same as men, and yet are fighting to have our laws reflect the laws of the bible. Our ignorance in what truly lies in the bible is what is destroying us.

When we are having a bad day we turn to the scriptures that make us feel better. God having planned our future, Jesus coming to save mankind, brotherly love, etc. That is all well and good but we can’t gloss over the nasty parts just because we need some comfort. We need to open our eyes and see the black and white. See that holding on to religious dogma is harming our youth. Harming our country. Dividing us beyond repair. When you start spouting verses about sexual immorality and aiming them at our youth you are telling that young man or woman that they are an abomination. You are telling them that they were created only to serve as an example of satan’s power and what to avoid. That their lives aren’t worth saving. That god created them only to burn them for all eternity when they die. That is why the suicide rate is higher for LGBT youth vs the general population. Why wait for your eternal damnation to start when it’s hell on earth for you every day? Why suffer through bullying day in and day out to become an adult who still has no rights and feels hated? Why suffer the pain, shame, and anguish of telling your parents that you have fallen in love with someone of the same gender when you know they will disown you? Death seems to be the easier option because at least there is some question as to whether or not they will in fact suffer eternal damnation.

I am fully aware that this post will not change the popular opinion. I didn’t write it for you. I wrote it for all those men, women, boys, and girls out there who feel alone right now. Who feel that death is a better option. Who feel like they were born an abomination. Who feel that they somehow did something wrong and don’t deserve to be treated the same as everyone else. I want you to know that you are not alone. You are not an abomination. You do deserve to be treated equally. There will always be hate in this world. It’s one of mankind’s many flaws. I believe though that there can be change. We can move forward and we can better ourselves. We can look past the spiritual and focus on the human behind the debate. We can decide to put equality before an outdated doctrine. We can decide to love our fellow man and lift each other up. We can decide to stop the violence, hate, and bigotry towards these men and women. We can take a stand. I am and I hope you will too.

Big year ahead

2013 is going to be a huge year for the Henderson household

We are going to have our second baby, Ronan

We are going to buy our first house

We are going to be debt free (excluding said house)

We will have furniture that has not been handed down or craigslist-ed

I am starting to re-do our budget in preparation for this monumental year. I have to say it's a pretty fun job. I love spreadsheets and watching our debt decrease and savings increase. It's such a new feeling for me. I've been terrible with money my entire adult life. Having car payments, eating our money (too much eating out and not enough budgeting for food), and buying a lot of small things that add up to a BIG number. With so many big purchases ahead of us I am determined to change all of that. 

Now, I do know my strengths and weaknesses. Unfortunately couponing is a weakness for me. I'm terrible at it. I will merrily cut those bad boys and put them in my gargantuan binder and then either forget to use them, get too lazy to use them, or get mad at the whole process and boycott them all together. What can I say? I'm a toddler at heart. However, I do like to budget so I am researching ways to save money and stick to a small budget just by shopping smarter (no more wasting food!). It's really pretty fascinating how people save money. I have read about a family of two spending a tiny $30/week on groceries. I bow down to your awesomeness and respectfully disagree that I could do that. However, I have learned from your Jedi master ways and I will shop smarter. 

Ronan, being our second child, will also have MUCH less stuff than Lilly did. She had so much baby crap it was ridiculous. She hated 75% of the toys and gadgets we had so they were relegated to the corner to collect dust and remind me of the wasted money. Well, this time around i'm just purchasing the 25% of the things that worked for us and Lilly. Bassinet/changing table/playard awesome thingy? CHECK! Sleepers? CHECK! Swaddles? CHECK! Boppy? CHECK! Ok, you get the picture. Only the necessities for us. If generous family members want to go crazy with cute clothes and such that is perfectly fine. However, I am sticking with a budget so I can snuggle this new miracle in my new house!

Speaking of the new house.....That is going to be a huge expense. We have iffy credit. Not bad and not good. It's still repairing from our idiocy. So, we definitely have to have a down payment saved. That is not a small amount by any means. Plus we will need to purchase appliances unless the appliance fairy comes to visit us. I wonder what I need to do to be on her nice list....

So yeah. Big year. Big things in store. I'm pretty darn excited as is the family. Stay tuned for more of my savings hi-jinks and maybe we can all learn a trick or two.

Baby Peanut's ultrasound

On Monday November 12th we had our "big appointment" that seems so far away when you first become pregnant

We were finding out if we are having a boy or a girl!
Now, truly the most important part of this appointment is to see my beautiful baby's spine, heart chambers, bladder, stomach, and brain. See that they are nice and healthy and developing beautifully. I'm glad to say that Peanut is nice and healthy. Oh, and a wee bit rambunctious.

Anyhoo, back to the HUGE news. The only news that people who aren't family really care about. BOY or Girl?

I think I'll let my first baby goose tell you guys the good news. :)

Welcome to our family Ronan Nathan Henderson!

My little pumpkin

We got out this fall to get Halloween/Fall pictures of Lilly. 

They are my absolute favorite pictures that Steve takes of Lilly. 

I love the colors, her clothes, and the backgrounds. 

I can't believe that next year Baby Peanut will be joining us on our annual fall picture taking.

 It will be twice the fun!

 I hope you enjoy these pictures as much as we do!

Well maybe not

Sooooo, I thought ginger was the solution to my problem.

It's not.

I'm still nauseous and feel like poop-a-la.

What's a girl to do when my miracle is making me miserable?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. There is nothing I can do about it but try to suck it up as much as possible and try to get through these next 28 days. Not that i'm counting or anything.

Today was Lilly's first day at preschool. We just met the teachers and did some exploration. She loved it so much that she was righteously mad at us for making her leave. That makes this nervous mommy much happier when she actually starts.

Our big preschool project before she starts is to make a placemat for snack time. I have a feeling she's going to go crazy on hers. I also have to figure out a tote bag/backpack for her to take. Her owl backpack is a little too small for her giant folder to fit in. Hopefully i'll be cognizant enough to take pictures of her placemat masterpiece so I can share it on here.

My ode to ginger

Ginger

Feeling sick filled up my day

I didn't think there would be a way

to feel like a human being

before 12 weeks, oh how that would be freeing

I searched and search for a cure

to help me feel good and protect a baby so pure

I found lots of ideas but nothing firm

but I bought and bought in hopes of being less infirm

To my dismay they didn't work

I still felt like I was going to hork

Prescription pills were in my future

a prospect I was sad for my growing creature

Then one glorious evening when my prospects were dim

Steve arrives home with ginger he bought on a whim

Try this he says I bought it for you

in hopes that you feel better and the house will be clean too

I took it with hope for the label read

helps with nausea no need to take with bread

In one glorious half hour the light started to shine

my nausea lessened what would happen with time

I'm pleased to say I feel so much better

no more nausea it worked to the letter

so if you feel ill go in pursuit

of the magic cure that is ginger root

I LOVE YOU GINGER!

Changes

“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.” 

― Eckhart Tolle

Ok, this definitely makes me sound like a bad person. The changes that are happening in our life aren't negative by any means but when I first got a positive result I admit everything negative about this change flooded my mind.

We are pregnant with baby number two.

Four years and three miscarriages after baby number one.

Grand total of 7 miscarriages and 1 amazing little girl to call my own.

When I saw that blue line pop up my immediate reaction was "Great, i'm going to have another miscarriage." Talk about a negative right? Well, looking at my history can you really blame me? Of course I had to take another test and this one was blue before I was even off the potty. (You are most welcome for that visual aid) I started to get hopeful and excited. The only time that has happened is with our daughter. Hope started blossoming. Then I started thinking about Lilly and all the time we share together and our amazing relationship and got scared. I don't want things to change. I love my life just the way it is. I don't want Lilly to feel neglected or less loved. I don't want my body cut open for the nth time. I don't want sleepless nights, poopy diapers, bottles, 40lb diaper bags, and the loss of our new found freedom.

Told you I sound like a bad person. I'm going to blame it on hormones, morning sickness, and a desire to protect Lilly.

I called the doctor and they wanted to do the usual blood work. Off I went and when I saw them on my caller ID I immediately prepared myself for bad news. Buuuuut there was only good news. My numbers were high and looked great. We are going to do the second panel and double check. Ok, that's when i'll get the bad news. I sound pessimistic but i've heard 7x more bad news than good so try to give me a break. They called again and I got good news again. We made an appointment for an ultrasound and a check up. I think I was (am) in shock. I numbly agreed on the time and hung up. With one of my miscarriages I got to the ultrasound appointment at 8 weeks to only find another loss. I was not looking forward to this appointment as much as I was looking forward to it.

The day of my appointment arrived and I was feeling way more nauseous than my morning sickness accounted for. I had to go through my history and paperwork before the ultrasound thus prolonging my misery. I really dislike telling people my history. Not because i'm ashamed or afraid to by any means. It's the look of horror or pity on people's faces that I hate the most. It's a confirmation of my personal hell and I abhor it.

Well we made it to the ultrasound and Steve got there to join us. I put on my armor and marched in battle ready and prepared for the worst. The screen lit up and we saw our little peanut. My breath caught. Ok, the baby is there. The yolk sac is there. Where's the heartbeat. Oh. My. Gosh. There it was. Our little baby's heart beat pulsing away in a beautiful pattern of light. It looked so strong. The tech said that we should be able to hear it so she angled it, turned up the sound, and let us listen to the most beautiful thump thump i've heard since Lilly's first ultrasound. 123 heart beats per minute. Anything over 90 has a 95% success rate.

THAT is when it hit me. We are going to have a baby. My heart was expanding to form a love bond with this little peanut in my belly. Lilly is going to have a brother or a sister. She is currently rooting for a  "brudder".

Even though this started out so negatively for me I now have an expanding heart, expanding hope, expanding dreams, and expanding desire for this new addition to our family. Things change but sometimes that change can make you a little better, a little stronger, and a little more loving. I know this baby will do all those things and more for me.